Four Years: "Blacked Out" From Social Media

Over four years ago, on August 17th, 2017, I deleted social media. I’m sure you can find a million reasons why; it’s addictive, time-consuming, toxic…But I’m not here to say social media is bad. Social media can be an incredible tool that helps us connect - with people we’ve met and people we may never meet. I deleted it because I wasn’t using it right.
I was a teenager when I created my Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Snapchat, Vine (r.i.p. Vine), and whatever else was out there... If you’ve ever met a teenager, well, you know what they’re like. Those were some of my most formative years, and social media influenced how I saw myself. It heightened my insecurities and made me question my life choices. “Why wasn’t I out there doing that? Why wasn’t I wearing that? Why didn’t I look like that?” All of these feelings were exacerbated by the representation (or lack thereof) of my culture. 
My social media feed was people leading glamorous, perfect lives; traveling and seeing beautiful wonders of the world, out at incredible concerts, eating fancy foods, having flattering bodies and unblemished skin.

And so I wondered... why didn’t my life look like that?

I spent the summer before I deleted social media at a refugee camp doing volunteer work. I loved every second - but it was never glamorous.  

I didn’t post much, but when I did post, the engagement on my content was euphoric; the instant likes and comments made me feel excited, and worst of all, validated. That euphoria was short-lived and unreal because it never came from within. It came to the point where I wanted external approval. I wanted to be perceived in a certain way, and that’s only natural. We do it subconsciously with how we dress, act, talk, and how we choose to present ourselves. There’s nothing inherently wrong with that. The issue stemmed from how social media had the ability to get in my head, under my skin, and affect my happiness.

For my own sake, I knew I had to make a change. One day in 2016, I ended my Snapchat streaks one by one.. Then I deleted Twitter. It took me months after that to delete Instagram. And it wasn’t easy. I had withdrawals for the first few weeks, and it came with its own set of shortcomings.

I spent most of my college career “blacked out” from social media. When people asked to add me on Instagram or Snapchat, I told them I deleted it. It was surprisingly hard for people to believe that I cut it out of my life, and I was met with both praise and disbelief. 

The effects were both good and bad. I am confident that every decision I have made since has been of my own accord. I no longer feel the need for anyone’s validation, and I know that I am the only one controlling my happiness; that power doesn’t lie in the hands of social media.

I no longer feel the “fear of missing out,” nor does seeing someone’s “perfect” life make me insecure about my own. I created long-lasting friendships from hearing people’s stories - not watching them.

Of course, I did miss out keeping in touch, forming different relationships, and even making new ones. And that’s why I’m back: I want to use social media as a tool that inspires me, challenges me, and helps me connect.

I’m giving social media another chance because I’m not the insecure, easily-influenced girl I was four years ago. I’ve had the time to grow, learn, and define myself. More importantly, I intend to be mindful in how I use it. Here’s to hoping I use it right.